The Art of Working

Our society pressures us, naturally to work the forty-plus hours a week in order to get by and make enough to support our families. When you have a chemical imbalance of the brain like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or depression it can make working astronomically harder. What if there were alternative jobs that maybe fit your lifestyle better? 

I've done the 9-5, or rather 8-5, I've worked nights and weekends, and I've worked 3am - 1:30pm. The best hours for me, are hours that are a little random and not entirely consistent. Meaning I might work M-F one week, and next week I might work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday then Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It's tricky, with the bipolar disorder to determine what is going to be best. Would I like to work M-F 9-5 and be happy about it? Absolutely, but is it realistic? I'm not sure I've done it before, but even then it was challenging to say the least. The difficult part about working, period, for me is when my medicine fails. 

I love to work, Frankly, I'm kind of a workaholic. When I'm cycling up, I can easily work 60 hours and be fine, but when I start declining and cycling down, I'm lucky if I can swing 20. That makes it incredibly difficult to support a family. And most of the time it makes me look unreliable because very rarely do I disclose the bipolar disorder for fear of stigma and judgement. And that's sad in of itself because we should be evolved enough as a society where there is no fear of someone having a chemical imbalance. It's 100% brain chemistry and out of our control.

What I do is I limit the number of people in my immediate workspace who have access to this particular bit of knowledge. I might say, I have PTSD or depression which sometimes have a little less stigma and is just as true anyway. I think that's something people don't understand. My official diagnosis, which I'm not sure I've mentioned before now is PTSD, Bipolar I and II, Anxiety, and Depression. Frankly, I'm fortunate to have the resources I do and be able to function at a high level. I know I'm one of the blessed ones. 

When my medicine fails it kinda looks like this: 

1. Mood begins to decline: I'm not as happy, bubbly or talkative

2. Work ethic begins to lack: I lose focus and begin to feel blah

3. Rock bottom: Enter mood cycling and physical pain from the depression, extremely agitated and moody

4. Rapid Cycles: Imagine going through all your moods in less than an hour: Angry, sad, livid, giddy, depressed, etc. It's absolutely the most brutal thing that can happen. But wait, there's more: Physical pain down my arms and legs, and being easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by the slightest noise and paranoia. 

Naturally, my immediate steps are to call my therapist and my psychiatrist. I have reconciled with the knowledge that I will forever be on medicine and forever need a therapist. I've tried going off my medicine and it wasn't a total disaster, but it made living life significantly more difficult. I don't regret it, but I wish the doctor I had seen then had listened to me. Then again, if he had, I don't think I would have access to the quality of care I have now. And I'm grateful for that. 

To come out of a med failure can mean several things: 

1. New medicine entirely

2. An increased dosage

3. A trip to the hospital for hands-on adjustment

Going through any of the above options is never easy or fun, by any stretch of the imagination, but sometimes the extra steps are necessary. 

Work life balance is critically important, but what that means for people like me will differ from people who maybe are blessed to not have significant brain chemistry challenges like mine. Again, I'm genuinely happy for those individuals. According to my Doctor there is a 40% chance of a relapse/bipolar episode even with effective treatment. It's frustrating, but it's the reality. 

If you are like me and deal with some sort of challenge just know, you're not alone. I'm going through it with you and we can get through this. Sometimes, even when you do all the right things (e.g. sleep right, take medicine, exercise, meditate, work what you can, and talk to your therapist) you still have an episode. Sometimes, our brains just hate us, but I think with a proper support group and people to relate to we can get through it a little bit easier. And today, I'll share a little of what I'm grateful for. 

 

1. My friends who know the truth about my situation and love me anyway

2. My family who have supported me through the most difficult episodes when I can't think for myself and am completely debilitated. 

3. My cats....all 10 of them. (Yes, I'm a crazy cat lady-I promise there's a story there, lol)

4. This blog, which has helped me find my life's purpose after a major bipolar episode. 

5. My bosses at the hospital where I work, for their support and assistance in taking the time I need to be okay and return to work. 

I'm genuinely grateful for everyone and would not be here without them. 

 

Now, dear reader, to you. 

Here's what I'd like to ask you for you to consider in planning out your next big step. 

1. If you are not 100% content with what you are doing now what does your dream life look like? For example: Do you work 9-5 or 7pm-11am? Do you work 5 days a week or 4 days a week? How much do you make? What does that translate to per hour to afford the lifestyle you want?

2. What kind of work are you doing? Do you work in a hospital? An office? or from home? etc. 

3. What kind of people are you working with? Are they like you and a little introverted? Or extroverted?

4. What about outside of work? What kind of hobbies do you enjoy? Do you like to run? Do you like to sew? Read? 

 

Think about this and don't be afraid to dream. You can create the life that is best for you, you just have to know what it looks like, then you can create the building blocks to get there from where you are now. Doubtful? That's fair, nothing worth having is easy to get. It does require hard work, but if you break down each goal/desire/dream into bite size pieces you'll find it's easier to get there. Stay tuned for my next post where we'll dive into it in more detail: The Art of Dreaming. 

Love, 

E